Is putting a sweater on a dog the lamest thing you’ve ever heard of? If you answered “yes” to that question, you’re probably wrong because there are so many lamer things, but I can see how you might have agreed for at least a second there.
Either way, it is definitely a strange thing to do. I’ll be honest, I judge dogs with sweaters. Maybe it’s unfair of me to do that, but I really hate them! They are such pricks!! I look at them as pampered little…. SONS OF BITCHES!!!. Man, that insult would’ve been so much more powerful if that wasn’t litterally what they are.

Rascal Profiling?: The cop said it had nothing to do with the sweater. (photo: k9magazine.com)
People, please don’t put sweaters on your dog anymore. I understand it’s cute and fun and all that, but let’s face it, once you start to dress your dog like it’s your child, things start to spin out of control. Before you know it, you will be discussing your relationship problems, your financial matters, and your grocery list with the thing. Heck, you’ll probably even ask your dog to start feeding the dog!
I can understand dog owners giving their canine orders, such as “No!” or “Fetch!” or “Sick ‘em!” or “Paw,” but when owners cross the line and have all-out conversations with their dogs, that is when I get suspicious as to whether that person is sane or not.
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Example of owner crossing the line with dog:
Owner:Fufu, what did I tell you about excreting on the rug?
Fufu:(toungue out, heavy breathing…other than that, no response)
Owner:Fufu! FUFU!!! If you shit on the rug one more time, you are going into your box for a week straight without a pellet of Puppy Chow or a lick of water. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?!
Fufu:(blank look on face, still panting, licks own coat of fur, lazily looks up at owner but still no response.)
One week later…
Lump on rug.
“Well that’s strange,” owner says to wife who is getting frustrated from having to clean it up herself all the time. ”I told him not to do that anymore.”
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I saw a guy walking his dogs around town the other day, discussing with them the importance of being nice to strangers.
“No, no, no, stop barking,” he told them as he yanked on his leash to pull them closer to me. ”We are nice to strangers, and they are nice to us. Go ahead, try it. Be nice.”
I was forced to play the awkward role of “stranger” in that situation, being that no other strangers were around, so of course I had to pretend like I liked his dogs and that they were real nice. Then, when I thought it wasn’t possible, things took a turn for the worse. I somehow got dragged into the conversation and had to start talking to them as well.
“Aren’t you two cute,” I stuttered as I reluctantly rubbed their shaggy little heads while trying to avoid their flailing tongues which were so desperate for attention. “See what happens when you are nice to strangers?”
Ronald McDonald’s painted-on grin would’ve looked more realistic than my forced smile were he standing next to me. I was obviously going through with this more for the owner than the dogs. Pretty sure their actions weren’t based on the fact that they could comprehend what either of us were saying.
What happened to the days when people understood that dog’s can’t understand? What happened to the days when a dog’s coat was considered its sweater? What happened to the days when a dog was allowed to be a dog?
They say a dog is a man’s best friend. I’m of the belief that a dog is better suited for the role of a man’s best dog.